Perspective You Can't Learn in Art Class

In case I wasn't already convinced I'd gotten of easily, today's pre-surgery class confirmed everything I'd suspected.

There were 11 of us in booby school, this morning, all having surgery for breast cancer within the next two weeks.  Just a couple of us were having the wire-guided procedure;  the rest were having some combination of lumpectomy or mastectomy with serial or axial node biopsy.  At least one woman was scheduled for a double mastectomy.  By comparison, I might as well be having a manicure on Tuesday!

So, here's what I can expect to happen.  My surgery will be at Princess Margaret Hospital.  When I'm admitted, I'll be checked into my own room -- mine for the day -- which will be home base for me and my BFF.  Nothing to eat after Monday midnight, and nothing to drink after 7AM.  Apparently, there's no room service at the hotel PMH;  so, not a 5-star, then.

They'll wire me up at 9AM, then return me to my room.  (I've convinced myself the wires will be as fine as those used in accupuncture, rather than straightened out coat hanger ends;  I hope I'm right.)  Surgery's at 2PM.  An hour in the OR, 30 to 45 minutes in recovery, and I'll be back to the room again.  Once I prove myself fit -- one-handed pushups?  an IQ test? -- they'll spring me, and it's off home about dinner time.

I might get morphine after surgery, so if I end up in a 12-step program down the road, I'll know where it all began.  I'll have self-dissolving stitches and a dressing over the incision -- the low maintenance approach to healing.  No nasty clips or staples or stitches that have to be taken out with garden shears.  And, with luck, the gauze will compensate for the dent.

The nurse assured me I'll be leading a normal life again within a couple of days.  I've never led 'a normal life', so I'm a little concerned that a large van will show up on Thursday and leave me with two sullen teenagers, an aging labrador retriever, an SUV, and a balding, slightly pot-bellied man, who claims to be my husband.  Perhaps I should start screening my calls.